Saturday, June 07, 2008

They never graduate from the bonds of family love

I hope N&L realize that life will be much harder to go through without the support of family who are connected to you forever. I will always love them and be there for them...

Love,
Dad



Being There: One More Graduation
by Melodie Davis


Of all the things parents and families do for kids, sitting through four-hour graduation ceremonies (including early arrival to save seats) is the least of it.

But when the rain is pouring and you are damp to the bone and you're huddled under umbrellas, rain ponchos and blankets, you realize there's a lot of love involved and just hope the kids realize it, too. And not just by you but literally thousands of well-wishers, families and friends of all the graduates. When you stop and think about it, there's a tremendous amount of love, dedication and commitment by people all around the globe traditionally shown for young people at these milestones.

I have learned over the years never take to take any graduation for granted, high school or college: kids flunk out at the last minute, get pregnant, have an emotional crisis, get sick, get arrested for drugs or worse, and lest we forget, are visited by a Virginia Tech kind of tragedy.

With the beginning of June come many high school graduation ceremonies and reflections on what it means for kids to reach this milestone. Well-meant advice flows as if the kids would actually listen and learn from it.

Speakers often try to remind graduates of their debt to their families and what I was thinking about above (the incredible show of support families offer at graduation). But we know that often kids are just thinking instead about "beach week," or raging hormones, and the after-after graduation parties. I'm sure not much advice sinks in.

I like what Mitch Albom writes about family in his now classic book, Tuesdays With Morrie, about days spent with a college professor, Morrie Schwartz, dying of Lou Gehrig's disease. On one of these Tuesdays, Mitch picks "family" as the topic for their conversation.

Morrie nodded to the photos that surrounded him and said, "I think in light of what we've been talking about all these weeks, family becomes even more important. The fact is, there is no foundation, no secure ground, upon which people may stand today if it isn't the family. It's become quite clear to me as I've been sick. If you don't have the support and love and caring and concern that you get from a family, you don't have much at all."

He said his disease would be much harder to go through without the support of family who are connected to you forever.

"Whenever people ask me about having children or not having children, I never tell them what to do," Morrie continued, referring to the younger generations (such as Mitch, reluctant to "tie" himself down with parenting). "I simply say, 'There is no experience like having children.' That's all. There is no substitute for it. You cannot do it with a friend. ... If you want the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, and to learn how to love and bond in the deepest way, then you should have children."

Mitch pushed him asking, "Would you do it again?"

"Would I do it again?" Morrie said, looking surprised. "Mitch, I would not have missed that experience for anything." (From Tuesdays with Morrie, Doubleday, 1997).

Yet families are too often fragmented; loved ones are not welcomed home; misunderstandings, dysfunctionalities, addictions, personal irritants come in the way.

And so we sit through rainy or freezing graduations, sweltering muggy hot commencements, snowy track meets, frigid softball or baseball games, soccer and football games in a downpour. We sit through recitals and programs and plays and award programs, trying not to think of the work not getting down at home or office. We help them move in and move out on equally sweltering days, send money when they run out, lend a shoulder to cry on when their hearts are broken, commiserate with them when they're ill, and always, always, try to be there for them when they finally wake up and realize what family can mean to them. At least I pray that it would be so for all of us.

They never graduate from the bonds of family love.